Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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