I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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