mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize