you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
