I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
