I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Someone shattered a urinal.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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