Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
