Please, let me fuck your mom
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
