someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
