Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
