Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
