just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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