i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
