I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
