That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
