I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
