Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
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