i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
