I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
