Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Randomize
