I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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