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I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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