you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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