So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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