Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
