I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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