is your mom at the bar?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
ttyl tear gas
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
