someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
