There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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