Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
