Your tits are I can't wait for
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
