I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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