So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Operation Purity has been aborted
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
