My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
