she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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