how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
