sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
