there's paper in my vomit.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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