i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
