Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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