i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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