shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize