Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
