i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
