can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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