I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize