I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
