There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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