i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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