One girl and one boy is just not enough.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
