threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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