Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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