I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
