hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
