don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
