I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
