I think my vagina is haunted
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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