Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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