is your mom at the bar?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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