Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
