Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
