who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
