is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize