Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry lionman32 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

I could have mohawked her pubes.

Fav 59 1029 5054
share tweet
(541): View more from Oregon

im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.

Fav 10 4312 909
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(606): View more from Kentucky

I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket

Fav 53 1240 4688
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.

Fav 6 6004 1086
share tweet
(530): View more from California

I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.

(1-530): View more from California

fuck. you.

Fav 54 12763 2275
share tweet
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.

Fav 16 1413 5133
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(707): View more from California

I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.

Fav 26 1605 4371
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(443): View more from Maryland

Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ

Fav 3 892 529
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(719): View more from Colorado

Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.

Fav 0 127 26
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT