I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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