I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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