I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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