this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
