just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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