Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We had to coat check the pizza.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
