Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize