friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was like having sex with a tree stump
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
