The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
