I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
