Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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