More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
