turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
