The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
