She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
